I’ve been away for a while! It’s okay if you didn’t notice because I almost didn’t either, so I’ll forgive you if you forgive me! Deal? Deal 🙂 I didn’t realize it had been so long until I started seeing dates everywhere. The edible kind. Have I lost you? Don’t worry, it was a whole chain of thinking that I’ll explain (especially because I need clarification myself. My mind is a weird place to be…).
Lately I’ve been seeing, hearing about, and craving dates. I don’t know what brought on the craving but really, is anyone surprised that my inner sugar beast is raging for something sweet once again? As for the rest of the signs, it makes sense because Ramadan is on people’s minds once again and you can’t have Ramadan without dates!
So what does all this have to do with my blog? Flashback to last Ramadan. The one where I made the promise to get healthy the day after it ended, to work out, to be at my goal by my 25th birthday. Well friends, my 25th birthday is literally a month away from today and not only have I not reached my goal, I’ve made it harder to achieve by gaining 5 pounds. Maybe 6. Maybe 7. Yay me! That takes effort.
Yet another Ramadan will be upon us in the summer iA and I will be exactly who I didn’t want to be: the same old me. I know there are still a few months to go but I’m still looking at all the wasted time. I could have been totally different right now! It’s so odd to think that way, to picture all the things I could have done, and all the things I’d be doing right now if I was even a few pounds lighter or at least had a habit of exercising.
But sadly I know even if I went back in time I wouldn’t end up doing anything different. That’s the problem. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of motivation on this earth strong enough to get me up off my surprisingly small butt (it’s surrounded by fat but doesn’t actually contain much itself, funny right?). Basically, I have all the tools, I have the blueprint, I have the uniform, I just can’t seem to clock in and get to work.
Speaking of work, want to know something that makes this situation even sadder? I’ve been unemployed for almost 2 months now and despite having all the free time in the world, I didn’t work out once. I instead chose to spend it watching all 10 seasons of Friends on Netflix. Twice. Ask me what Joey ate for lunch and I can tell you (it was pizza); ask me when was the last time I worked out, I couldn’t even ballpark it.
I have to admit it’s been nice not thinking about weight all the time by doing a bunch of things in excess (like watching tv, sleeping, eating, crying). It was like I locked that part of me away so I wouldn’t have to face it. But now, with the reminder that it’s almost been a year since my last promise to myself, I’ve had to open the door to all that baggage. Plus some new suitcases of insecurity that came with being unemployed.
I’ve decided to put my gym membership on hold for a few months. That money’s been going down the drain! If I ever go back, I will go once the ice on the road has stopped trying to kill me. And that will of course be during spring time. Do I stay fat until then? Well the smart thing to do would be to work out at home. I’ve never been a smart woman though.
So I guess stay tuned to what should really be called the “How Much Longer Can this Girl Stay Fat & Unhappy?” blog. Pray for me guys, pray for meeee!
motimuslim 